"Well, we just hold our breath and close our eyes and hope that it will all go away."An ostrich isn't necessary just a flightless bird with wonderful feathers people like to collect and use as fans. No, here I am talking metaphorically; I am talking about those people who prefer to ignore obvious wrongdoings by sticking their heads firmly into the sand enabling them to totally deny the unpleasantness going on around them: but can they honestly deny it or are they lying to themselves? Maybe it is good sometimes to be an ostrich, it is certainly safer, or is it?
I know that at times we all must put aside the realities so as to function in this whacked up society and deal with our own lives. However, there are some things that should never be ignored. For me, something that should not be ignored is behaviour that impacts on others such as bullying, and I've seen my share of that in my lifetime.
Bullying is an interesting pattern of behaviour that can quickly get out of hand. The "learned ones" separate those involved by labeling them either "bully" or "victim/target". I would like to suggest a third participant - that being the observer or those standers by who "don't want to get involved", "mind their own business" or think that they can pretend it is not there, just like an ostrich. Can we really ignore it or does it affect us, perhaps we are suffocated by our heads in the sand attitude.
Over the years I've read some interesting articles on these behaviours and made a connection with what is known as the "Karpman Drama Triangle" - (look it up on Google) - it is perhaps the most common social game played and has dire consequences. It requires three basic elements and can be played with three people or three groups of people. I've seen the triangle form and I've seen others try to start it - which can actually be quite entertaining as their behaviour and methods are quite predictable. I've also been dragged into one, a giant one at that and believe me, until the players and the game is understood, it is very confusing to say the least! The only way out is to physically remove yourself from those involved, by trying to "save" others, you are actually extending the game. Believe it or not, this brings great pleasure to the players who, even when you are removed from their presence, still imagine you a part even if it only through gossip, until they find a replacement.Karpman argues that there are three roles consisting of "persecutor", "rescuer" and "victim", and players switch between these roles quite effectively and sometimes so rapidly you can lose their breath! It's more entertaining than a movie but more aptly could be called a social bomb! It only takes one player to engage two others and in less than five minutes, a new game is formed.
For example, the other week I was performing a task when another woman P (persecutor) took over, saying I was dumb, creating a V (victim). I guess she wanted to big note herself. I was not prepared to be her V so I walked away. In the process P made a dreadful mess of it all and attempted to blame me, trying to make me the P and herself the V - see how quickly she switched from P to V? Of course I reminded her that I had walked away. Having moved from P to V she needed an R rescuer - and she found one in a fellow workmate who was quick to respond and make it all better. The interesting part of this was that although it was clear to both of them that I was well out of the picture, P kept trying to be a V by blaming me for her obvious mistake (trying to make me a P) and R was not sure what happened. P/V kept vigil over R and would not allow her to speak with me alone. I observed how P played the role of V when I was not in view but the minute I returned to the room, she tried to make me the P and her the V through the blame game.
This is where I was entertained. Having become familiar with the game some years ago I was able to predict her moves - and to my surprise, my predictions were exactly right! Oh, just to finish my story, R quickly realised she was being used and took all the paper work into the office and told P/V to go home. Did she? No actually, she stayed back to try again to engage R who, by now, was over the whole thing and went home herself leaving P/V totally void of anyone to play with and, her total confusion was apparent.
Can you see how easily it is played, even if one of the players leaves the game? A name is all they need and let the games begin! You are now warned - beware of drama queens (and kings)! The only way to avoid involvement is to walk away from all players and stay right out of it. So, is this where the ostrich comes into it? Maybe.
If a herd of elephants was heading towards an ostrich which had its head buried deep in the sand - would it be protected, would the elephants see it and go around it? What I am asking here is simple - we may not want to engage in the drama, but by our very presence, as an observer, are we not already part of it? Are we not in some way involved? Do we not immediately think something? We may chose to remain silent and walk away, but it remains, we were involved because we observed, we witnessed. So what are the responsibilities of a witness? May our consciences be the guide to that answer.
